FAMILY RELATIONS: Understanding Family Dynamics & Theories

Understanding Family Dynamics & Theories

                Imagine yourself in a circular system and remember who you are and what you are doing affects you and either another family member or the whole family. Sometimes I have felt this way and others might have as well. Your son manifests negative attention because his parents become closer together to try and help you or your family member must set boundaries in order to take care of himself and his family before others. I have personally felt this way for about a month or more. I have discovered that not only do I need to focus on myself, but I need to set boundaries otherwise I will be stuck in what is called a Circular causality.

                This week we have studied different types of theories including the Family Systems Theory. We learn that there are different types of families from completely closed to where they want to remain more private, to fully open there are “no fences, their door is open, etc.”, the other is open but with boundaries which is to me the best scenario right now. In a few discussions, there were situations presented to where their family members needed to set boundaries but were still willing to help the family members. It is found in the scriptures for us to cleave unto our spouse. Once we do, we decide as a couple how to raise our family together. Suggestions from others are welcome, but with the Lord, we do what is best for our family. When you mix in a blended family, it can complicate what was already happening, which is when we together seek help from others and then things can get easier. As a couple and family, we work on coming into alignment when raising our kids.

               

                There is a website we referenced during class that was eye-opening. If you visit familystructurestudies.com, there are different scenarios with a percentage of how kids can be when raised in different situations. The best outcome was a family with a mom and dad (biological parents). I do understand where this is not always the case, but in most families, this had the highest percentage rate.

                Along with theories and family dynamics, we all play roles, but we also have rules. In the previous paragraph, I had mentioned how we need to set boundaries or the roles we play can cause harm. This is something I am learning not only in class, but I am currently in therapy where I am discovering I need to retrain my brain to how it thinks. I have always wanted to help others out as much as I can, but we are finding that in this my role is actually “burning me out.” I need to focus on myself first, and that way I can help my family and others around me. This is where we set boundaries with others, others what we do affects the family and then those react back to our actions and reactions. This is the circular causality.

                There is an interesting way of finding out more about what we all need to do to change our roles in our family. I would suggest doing a Genogram. This will not only show your family tree but how your family relationships are. From there you can see not only your roles and whether you want to keep your role, or you might need to change the rules by putting boundaries in place.

                As parents not only what we do affects ourselves, our spouse, but our children. Think about your reaction, is what you are doing manifesting positive or negative feedback? Observe your family, pause, and before you react especially if negative feedback, dig deeper about why your kids are acting the way they are. We need to be better about giving more positive feedback, otherwise, others might see they only get attention or feedback when negative and that is not healthy.