Transitions to Marriage

It has happened…he has asked her to marry him and they celebrate just the two of them. I remember both times I was proposed to. The first time was at the Temple (I wanted to be proposed to at a Temple) and my roommate was there taking a photo of him proposing. My reaction? Are you serious!? Then the second time I was proposed to (by my 2^nd husband), I had come home from the gym, he was in pajamas, but the table was set up with dinner, flowers, and a paper. He would have got down on one knee, but I was hugging him while reading the paper he typed (of songs we had listened to which was his way of proposing). It was just the two of us, and of course I said yes!

                                Last week we went over the different steps of dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. When couples are courting, this could be a make or break point in their relationship. This is an opportunity to see each other in all different seasons as mentioned in an earlier blog. This will help us decide if we are invested in our relationship. My husband and I courted for months before we were engaged and have been there for each other in some hard times. The engagement is a commitment or transition opportunity where you can become even more close as you both plan for the wedding together. When the engagement does happen, how important is the proposal? Now these days, it is supposed to be a big thing, and I understand both sides, but I loved the quiet setting and love remembering the night he proposed. After the engagement comes all the wedding planning.

                Now after being married twice, my eyes have been opened. The marriage doesn’t need to be expensive nor does the reception if there is one. When you are planning a wedding, if you want to ask family and friends for suggestions you can, but it is important that the bride and groom take a big role in planning. This will help teach them to make big decisions together such as the budget, where to have it, the food, and pictures. You will be able to see how each person can handle different situations and see how well you can pool your resources together. For our wedding reception, we asked friends and family if they could bring a food item whether chocolates, cookies, fruits, etc. My husband bought a cake, a friend made a cheesecake, his family brought decorations, my dad was a DJ, and my mom took our pictures.

                When parents are helping with the cost of the wedding, the bride and groom need to realize there are strings attached whether they see it that way. There will be some sort of commitment to parents, and there need to be boundaries involved. As previously mentioned, you can ask for help, but do a big part of it yourself. We are planning on having a reception after our sealing in July, but will be doing a big part ourselves which brings us more close as couple.

                Another thing to think about with transitioning to marriage, how will you handle sharing holidays and other family time? Marriage is about a man and woman leaving their parents and cleaving unto each other. When things come up during the marriage it should be the spouses confiding with each other and not go to mom and dad first. I learned this quite often in my first marriage. I would go to my parents and he would go to his mom. Now, in my 2^nd marriage things have changed. I am still talking with my family, but with decisions my husband and I talk, pray, and go to the Temple to make sure we include the Lord in our decisions.